Unknown Territory

“You learned to run from what you feel, and that's why you have nightmares. To deny is to invite madness. To accept is to control.”  - Megan Chance

“You learned to run from what you feel, and that’s why you have nightmares. To deny is to invite madness. To accept is to control.” – Megan Chance

I promised myself that I would continue writing in this blog even when the discomfort of the unknown started to creep in. As the world around me continues to propel forward, I find myself wondering where my father is in all of this. He hasn’t been returning my calls.

I’ve called him to see how he is and I’m not sure why he hasn’t called me back. It could be something as simple as just wanting his space, or maybe he misplaced his phone. This is not the first time I’ve been down this road, but for some reason it feels like unknown territory because of where we’ve been in the last two years.

We have both had time to reflect and decompress from the intensity of our recent experiences. I’m sure he feels equally as overwhelmed as I do. I like to stay positive in thinking that this is a period of growth for the both of us, and that he is off somewhere capturing life through the lens. I like to believe that he is regaining a sense of self and growing stronger each day.

At the same time I can’t help but wonder if things are backsliding for him. Nobody wants to see their parents or loved ones on the streets… especially not again if they’ve survived it and gotten to a better place. But this is a reminder of what I had written just a month ago: He is good for today.

I think this is an important piece to touch upon when discussing the “homeless issue.” For those of us who are connected to this social condition, whether it be through our personal or professional gravitation, we can’t “control” an individual’s decisions or thoughts. No matter how badly we want to “fix the issue” or “solve homelessness,” I don’t think it will ever go away. We don’t live in a perfect world, and as “Fox” mentioned in his interview:

“… No one is immune and it could happen to them at any time!”

Sometimes the best I can do is appreciate the good, hope for the best, and help others when I can. Accepting that things are out of my control is not easy, but I know that no matter what happens… it will be okay. It has to be.



One thought on “Unknown Territory

  1. Diana, this is indeed and emotional roller coaster you are riding. I think you have touched on an important point and that is, as much as we would like to control that situation that makes us uncomfortable and no matter how much we want to reach out and “fix” whatever is wrong , we are at the end of every day only human , and it is a human condition fraught with the frail connections. It is our job to be the strength and when we can to remember to be present and focused at those times when those we are close to are in need. It is, at as I said earlier an emotional roller coaster filled with great highs and sudden lows, but the best we can do is to Hope and I believe that as long as we have Hope there will be Hope for those that we care about. Some days that is all we have and on those days its all we can do to cling to that. Take comfort that there are others here for you as well and build a strong support system for you as well as your Dad. Good luck and much support 🙂


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