The journey continues. My father’s goal to become a taxi driver again has definitely been a bumpy road these past few weeks. He has taken the exam six times so far, and hasn’t passed yet… A part of me really wishes I could somehow talk to the exam proctor, to let them know that he was a taxi driver before. But I know that he has to do this himself, and all I can do is continue to support and encourage him.
So, why does he keep “failing”?
Part of the examination requires him to know the shortest route from Point A to Point B. He has been studying regular maps and practicing — I usually sit in the passenger seat and read my class materials. It actually works out really well. Some days, I’m struck with the incredible contrast of where he was… and where he is now. As he drives me through the streets of Honolulu, practicing to pass his examination, I can’t help but marvel at the synchronicity that my life continues to gift us with. These streets are my time machine and secretly hold the suffering, hope, faith, and love of my past, present, and future. I know I’m meant to do more there(here).
My father and I were walking those streets the other day. And the new memories I’m creating there with him are showing me what we share in common… we enjoy our peace and quiet, the ability to disconnect from the world so that we can reconnect with ourselves. I asked if we could visit the temple together. As I approached the incense, I turned over to my father for his approval…
“Am I doing this right?” I asked?
“There is no right or wrong way,” he said.
He still visits temples and churches, preferring the solace it provides to balance the energy of our world. We sat and meditated together, I said a quiet prayer of gratitude. I opened my eyes and looked over to my father… he looked so peaceful and rooted… he is so resilient. I thought about how far he has come, how he continues to work towards his goal of becoming a taxi driver again.
“This is beautiful,” I said.
I’m not sure who I was speaking to at that moment, whether I was saying it aloud thinking my father would answer. Or If I was saying it to myself and to my creator… I looked over at him again, and this time he was looking straight ahead. He was still quiet. I got up from my seat and sat next to him this time. We sat in the stillness of that afternoon together, breathing, living, and reflecting separately and together.
We talked about the meaning of life, our spiritual belief systems, politics, and philosophy. I hope to share them soon, once I have had more time to sit and process it all. And we ended on the note of his upcoming examination… Even after “failing” the examination six times, there was a buoyancy to his voice that had no indication of giving up or feeling deflated. He is just as hopeful and positive about passing the test, so that he can move forward. I believe in him.
He may not have played a positive role in my childhood and past, but I know we have each walked on our own road to resiliency. I know we share this in common. And I feel so grateful that our paths have been able to intersect in this way, and that we are both in a place with open hearts and open minds to accept and receive each other in whatever way we are capable of.
Who knows what the future will hold… for the short-term, I pray that he passes his examination this Friday. I know he will pass eventually, and it doesn’t matter how many times he has to take this test before he finally gets it. The more important thing is to acknowledge that he has not given up. I’m really proud of him for that… it says a lot about him and where he is right now in his life. Looking forward to being able to share when he passes!
Wishing everyone a beautiful day… 🙂