“This is what we do, my mother’s life said. We find ourselves in the sacrifices we make.”
―Cammie McGovern, Neighborhood Watch
I miss her, the woman I remember as a little girl. Full of life, laughter, and infectious energy that you couldn’t resist. If you were a woman, you either wanted to be her or be her best friend. Now if you crossed her, you’d better be prepared to run your heart out or get on your knees and apologize. My mother, the first woman I came to know in this world, was one hell of a combination of tough and soft. Much like a wild horse, there was no taming her… no breaking her. At her core, she had a very soft and compassionate heart… I think that’s where I get it from.
I miss her. I miss her when holidays like Mother’s Day, Thanksgiving, and Christmas roll around. I think about how things “could have been,” and how I wish they could be different. I cherish the good, and have learned to let go and learn from the bad. It is amazing how I continue to learn about her as I get older and experience life as a mother myself. Those moments when she would say, “Someday, you will understand… someday, it’ll make sense.” Yes, Mom… you are right. Some questions have been answered with time, and I see what you struggled with during your darkest moments.
Not all daughters are fortunate enough to have a day-to-day relationship with our mothers. But it’s okay… The love we remember, the love that nurtured us never goes away. My mother’s love, whether she is a part of life or not, is here in my heart. I want her to know that. I want her to know that I don’t blame her. That I am doing everything to have the family I have always wanted and needed… and I wouldn’t be able to appreciate this life in the way that I do without the painful experiences we went through together.
And most importantly, I hold onto the good memories — your goofy dance, your ear-to-ear grin, the way you would run your fingers through my hair, your cooking (I really miss it), watching you play the guitar, and singing ten little monkeys before I went to bed. I love you. Happy Mother’s Day… and thank you for doing the best you could, with what you had, when you had it.