Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity. – W. Clement Stone
What happens when our life experiences begin to push up against our core beliefs, forcing us to reconsider how we approach conflict, both internal and external? How do we reconcile various interacting and conflicting beliefs when it brings to question our character, morality, and even humanity?
In many ways, I’m convinced that my 5 year-old self knew everything she needed to know about life. As the years have gone by, and layers of experiences have shaped me through pain, disappointment, and sadness, I’ve noticed that staying open with my heart requires self-awareness, consciousness, and an acceptance of pain as a reality and duality to the joys of living. To put it simply, pain is part of life.
So then, what happens when we see and feel the pain of our loved ones and decide to shut ourselves off from it? Is it a necessary response for self-preservation? What happens if this person hurt you deeply, and they are now suffering deeply? What happens when your core belief has always been one to “help,” regardless of past wrongdoings, and now you find yourself in a space where you’re not so sure that helping is “right for you?” Does this mean you’re a bad person? Does this mean you’re less humane?
These are some of the questions I’ve been faced with. Maybe you have, too?
What I find most interesting is that in having to face these questions, I’ve been able to give myself more grace in my imperfections and shortcomings. I am not always able to show up for people in the way that they expect or want me to. It’s okay. In standing up for ourselves and communicating our feelings, it may very well mean that we will offend others. Again, it’s okay. It is better to be honest with ourselves and others, and learn to navigate the areas of tension and disappointment together than to do so alone.
Balancing what’s “right” with what’s “right for me” has not been easy these past few years, but in asking myself the hard questions, I’ve realized that there is beauty in this balance — it offers choices in considering the views of others, and my own beliefs as they continue to shift and expand in this life. The points of pain in my human experience have given me growth, self-love, thoughtfulness, and pause to consider how I might become a better person for myself and others. We’re all works in progress.
“In the process of letting go you will lose many things from the past, but you will find yourself.”– Deepak Chopra
It’s not the end, it’s just the beginning. People ask me all the time, “So, how is your Dad?” I’m not always sure what to say, mostly because the person asking me is usually someone I am meeting for the first time. It’s so personal. It’s amazing how the story has continued to touch people’s lives, and is still shared today. It makes it worth it, to get over the awkwardness of reviving a personal piece of the past with a complete stranger.
I can’t say it’s the same for my Dad. He gets the same comments, the same questions, except it’s even more personal — “How are you doing?” And that’s not always as easy for him. I am so grateful that he is in a better place today. As I reflect on what it means to really have a “second chance” at life, I am aware that some things have to stay in the past for us to truly move forward. That doesn’t mean we forget it. It just means that we may need space to grow from it.
I hope that the stories I shared with you have helped to humanize the lives of those who live on the streets today. It is so deeply personal and sensitive. In each person is a story of struggle, hope, and love. People have asked how they can help, what they can do to make it better.
Compassion.
Exercise your own personal compassion, in whatever way that looks/feels. The willingness to help and care for someone is personal, and there are many ways to help. And for some, the exercise of personal compassion could mean that you have to stay away because it hurts too much to be close. That is okay, too.
I’m not sure what the future holds, but I’m looking forward to it. One thing I do know is that I’m grateful to all of you who have shared words of encouragement and support during my darkest times. It has meant so much to me, to know that I was not alone in this. Thank you… truly. Now, let’s get back to living life to the fullest, embracing the challenges that come, having the strength to be vulnerable, and moving forward fearlessly and courageously. Ready? Get set… go! 😉 Sending you my warmest, biggest, wrap-around hug!
The Homeless Paradise 