Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity. – W. Clement Stone

What happens when our life experiences begin to push up against our core beliefs, forcing us to reconsider how we approach conflict, both internal and external? How do we reconcile various interacting and conflicting beliefs when it brings to question our character, morality, and even humanity?

In many ways, I’m convinced that my 5 year-old self knew everything she needed to know about life. As the years have gone by, and layers of experiences have shaped me through pain, disappointment, and sadness, I’ve noticed that staying open with my heart requires self-awareness, consciousness, and an acceptance of pain as a reality and duality to the joys of living. To put it simply, pain is part of life.

So then, what happens when we see and feel the pain of our loved ones and decide to shut ourselves off from it? Is it a necessary response for self-preservation? What happens if this person hurt you deeply, and they are now suffering deeply? What happens when your core belief has always been one to “help,” regardless of past wrongdoings, and now you find yourself in a space where you’re not so sure that helping is “right for you?” Does this mean you’re a bad person? Does this mean you’re less humane?

These are some of the questions I’ve been faced with. Maybe you have, too?

What I find most interesting is that in having to face these questions, I’ve been able to give myself more grace in my imperfections and shortcomings. I am not always able to show up for people in the way that they expect or want me to. It’s okay. In standing up for ourselves and communicating our feelings, it may very well mean that we will offend others. Again, it’s okay. It is better to be honest with ourselves and others, and learn to navigate the areas of tension and disappointment together than to do so alone.

Balancing what’s “right” with what’s “right for me” has not been easy these past few years, but in asking myself the hard questions, I’ve realized that there is beauty in this balance — it offers choices in considering the views of others, and my own beliefs as they continue to shift and expand in this life. The points of pain in my human experience have given me growth, self-love, thoughtfulness, and pause to consider how I might become a better person for myself and others. We’re all works in progress.

Big hugs,

Diana